Collaborative Law – A Good Idea with The Right Lawyers

October 30, 2022 Mike MacConnell

I was contacted this week by a couple whose separation I mediated almost two years ago. When we were almost done they moved on to a pair of collaborative lawyers to tie up financial loose ends.

They are asking me now to help them complete that agreement without lawyers. They explained that the two “collaborative lawyers” they hired had made no progress, and barely communicated with them over the intervening two years. The couple is furious, and wants nothing to do with lawyers of any kind.

This case dramatically drove home the truth that just because a lawyer calls themself collaborative does not mean they are non-adversarial, efficient or responsive.

Collaborative family law is a relatively new approach to separation and divorce in Ontario. To quote google: “The goal of collaborative family law (CFL) is to allow parties, in the midst of a divorce or separation, to work collaboratively with each other, their lawyers, and other third-party specialists to reach a mutually acceptable resolution of the issues stemming from the breakdown of their marriage.”

Most importantly, they accomplish this without going to court. In fact, if the collaborative process breaks down and clients do go to court, lawyers who have signed a collaborative agreement are required to resign from the case. This ensures commitment from all participants.

In principle, this is far superior to old style, adversarial courtroom combat. Finding a “mutually acceptable resolution” allows decision-making to reside with the clients, and with their lawyers, rather than handing that power over to a judge.

I work closely on a team with two collaborative lawyers who engage promptly in a manner that is truly collaborative. They communicate regularly with clients and other professionals on the team to ensure that a lasting, comprehensive agreement is reached in a few months. Each lawyer is still obligated to work zealously for the welfare of their client. But they see the bigger picture to consider, including the best interest of children and emotional interests that may be as important to their client as the money. They listen to their client, provide legal advice, then pass the case along to me, as the facilitator, to help the clients reach a settlement within the legal model that is unique to their own situation.

They even offer a flat rate package, so clients know in advance exactly what their costs will be, provided undue conflicts don’t arise.

What’s the bottom line? Should you be seeking a collaborative team?

My advice is “yes IF”.

Yes if you and your Ex are genuinely committed to a peaceful, out of court settlement.

And yes if you get satisfactory answers to these questions before signing on to any collaborative law agreement:

1. Do you offer a flat rate fee? If not, what is your hourly rate?

2. How regularly will you communicate with the other lawyer?

3. How regularly, and by what means, do you communicate with me?

4. Do you accept terms in the agreement I might want that don’t follow your legal advice?

5. Will you include less expensive neutrals in the process, such as a mediator or certified divorce financial expert?

So now I’m back working with the frustrated couple, to help them finalize their agreement.

I have informed them not all lawyers are inefficient or poor communicators. I will advice them to hire new ones to review their settlement, once we complete it. Although a divorce can be obtained without legal advice, they will have much greater protection if they do. Only this time I will make sure I refer them to lawyers who I know can be trusted to complete it promptly and efficiently.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mike MacConnell, founder of Reflective Mediation, is an accredited family mediator, conflict coach, educator and author. He is the highest-ranked mediator on Google in the greater Toronto area, with over 180 5-star reviews. To book your free consultation click here.

In Praise of Difficulty Light on Other Side of Hardship

June 29, 2022 Mike MacConnell

I had a divorce client - I’ll call him Jake - who was devastated by his wife’s announcement that she wanted a divorce. He told me he felt threatened by the loss of his identity as a family man and feared the inevitable reduction of his assets. In rapid succession, he experienced all the stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining and depression before finally arriving at acceptance.

He didn’t want the whirlwind of change he found himself facing. He had been comfortable in the marriage. Although it lacked passion, Jake never saw his marriage as broken. It was only in retrospect, after the legal process was over, that he came to recognize the marriage really had been dysfunctional and that his ex had been right. For years, he and his wife had been co=existing, without any real connection or deep intimacy.

My work as a conflict mediator brings me frequently into contact with clients like Jake, people have been thrust into turmoil. But one thing always within their control is their response to change. They can choose to embrace it, learn from it and grow.

For Jake, the period after the divorce was a revelation. By the time he and his wife had completed their Separation Agreement he had begun referring to his old life as his “Rip Van Winkle phase”. He felt like he had been sleepwalking, or under a self-induced spell. He knew he would never have shaken himself awake if his ex hadn’t rung the alarm. Difficult as divorce was, he was glad she prompted him to enter this new phase of his life.

Jake didn’t ask for the marriage to end. But when I checked in with him a year later, he told me his ex’s decision had prompted him to reflect. He felt more engaged, and had taken on a more communicative approach to the relationships he was now in. He was willingly working harder at keeping love alive by being more attentive to his new partner’s needs and more expressive of his own. He regretted that he had to learn it the hard way, and felt sorry for the pain he had caused his ex. I told him I wasn’t sure if there was any other way to grow. That pain is our best and maybe our only teacher.

I’m not suggesting you should ask for difficulty. There’s no need to seek it since difficulty has it’s way of finding you. When it arrives, just challenge the impulse to complain about it. Pivot away from the impulse to complain and direct yourself to become curious. Like coming upon a new exercise machine at the gym, try asking yourself: “What can this do for me? What skill I don’t yet have might this strengthen in me?” An answer will arise.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

The Modern Divorce Team

March 30, 2022 Mike MacConnell

The cost of an uncontested, out-of-court Separation Agreement is normally unpredictable. Fees routinely range to well beyond $15,000 per person. Our expert team of four collaborative experts has just introduced flat-rate divorce packages ranging from $4,775 to $9700 per person. Moreover, clients who qualify won’t need to pay a penny until the process is over.

The Modern Divorce Team provides a mediator, a financial expert and two lawyers, one who will represent the interests of each spouse. This is all the expertise you need in one place – for much less time and money than the standard divorce solution. We created this option to ease the stress of our clients, who are often grieving the loss of their family dream, fearing an uncertain future for themselves and their children, and feeling very alone.

We help couples reach a legally binding settlement within 6 to 10 months, or less. For clients who qualify, payment can be deferred until the case is settled. This can also include financing the rental of separate living quarters, if needed, while your agreement is being negotiated.

We offer 3 packages:

The Family Package- $19,400 per couple or $9,700 per person + HST*
The Couples Package- $14,650 per couple or $7,325 per person + HST*
The Starter Package- $9,550 per couple or $4,775 per person + HST* (no children, less complex financials)

* We reserve the right to change current pricing.

We can also customize a plan for specific needs, such as owning a business, in addition to offering deferred payment for those who need the extra “wiggle room”.

All of our packages involve a co-ordinated team of 4 divorce specialists:

Two neutrals:

Mike MacConnell, accredited family mediator, your point person, who handles all negotiations. www.reflectivemediation.ca

and

Eva Sachs, divorce financial expert, who gathers and completes joint financial disclosure. www.evasachs.com

Plus two lawyers:

Anna-Marie Musson, collaborative family lawyer, representing and supporting one spouse. www.mlawgroup.ca

and

Ryan Osbourne, collaborative family lawyer, representing and supporting the other spouse. www.osbournecollaborativelaw.com.

Even if you avoid going to court, which is notoriously lengthy and expensive, there are risks to traditional Out-of-Court settlements.

These include:

· If you do it yourself, you will almost certainly lack the full financial disclosures and legal expertise that are required to provide you with full protection;

· Family lawyers charge by the hour, and are trained in an adversarial system. Expenses mount unexpectedly when they quarrel and charge for each interaction;

· The time frame is unpredictable when you hire lawyers or, a mediator, who do not communicate regularly with one another or interact smoothly;

· Family lawyers are not financial specialists. You risk a settlement that doesn’t have the expertise to accurately determine support obligations and equalization of assets.

We are committed to avoiding the tensions that can arise between lawyer and client when the total service costs are open ended. Many lawyers will need their retainers topped up several times during the course of finalizing a divorce. Clients are usually okay with this once or maybe twice, but as the costs escalate over time there can be a loss of goodwill in the relationship

We want to ensure our relationship is pure, secure and transparent at all times

With The Modern Divorce Team as guides, clients are the decision-makers. You come away with the full protection of an expertly crafted Separation Agreement that has been customized to meet the unique needs of your family, now and for the future.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR