As an established family mediator, my practice has expanded to nurture trainees in the field who have completed their academic qualifications and need to complete a practicum in the field to become accredited family mediators. This “teaching hospital-like” approach has added many benefits for clients. They get two qualified professionals for the price of one. And while I tend to lead the discussion, they play a vital role reading the room – monitoring if one spouse or another is feeling uncomfortable, angry or overwhelmed.
In my practice the trainee/comediator is a woman, which brings gender balance to the conversation. Everyone feels heard. It’s a deliberate, client-centred approach that allows for a deeper, more nuanced understanding, and more balanced outcomes.
Most divorce and separation mediations involve a man and a woman. In those situations, but also with same sex couples, having a male and female mediator reduces the risk of perceived gender bias. Even the most careful professional cannot control how a stressed-out client might interpret tone or feedback. Trust is fragile, and integral to the mediation process. I find two hearts and minds better than one.
For example, during discussions about parenting time, a father may worry his role is being minimized, while a mother may feel the emotional labour she has carried for years is being overlooked. With both a male and female facilitator offering feedback, each person is more likely to feel understood. That balance often lowers defensiveness and keeps the focus on problem-solving.
There are many benefits to having two professionals working together. My colleagues come with skills with expertise that complements my own—such as child development, legal and financial background or social work and psychotherapy. Separation and divorce mediation involves overlapping legal, financial, emotional, and parenting issues. A second mediator brings additional insight, different observations, and a broader range of questions and problem-solving options. This allows us to offer more balanced information and assists clients in building a more balanced and lasting settlement.
For example: during a financial discussion, one mediator may be engaging with a party on questions of long-term affordability while the other mediator notices the spouse has become quiet and is showing signs of disagreement. Addressing that at the time moment can draw attention to this power imbalance, ensuring that both viewpoints contribute to the terms of agreement. This increases the durability of the settlement.
Co-mediation also adds an important layer of accountability. In the rare event that a concern or complaint is raised, having another professional present provides an objective viewpoint. This transparency protects clients and strengthens confidence in the mediation process. When debriefing and preparing for sessions I appreciate having the scrutiny and feedback of another professional.
At Reflective Mediation, our guiding values are balance, respect, and thoughtful decision-making. Using a co-mediation model reflects our commitment to reducing conflict, improving understanding, and helping families reach durable agreements they can live with—both now and in the years ahead.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mike MacConnell, founder of Reflective Mediation, is an accredited family mediator, conflict coach, educator and author. He is the highest-ranked mediator on Google in the greater Toronto area, with over 220 5-star reviews. To book your free consultation click here.
