Ten years ago, in 2011, I came to a crossroads in my life when my first marriage and first business came to an end. Blindsided by those failures, I was forced to re-examine my lifelong aversion to conflict and how it had prevented me from resolving disputes with my business partner and ex-wife.
I didn’t just rethink my approach, I spent three years studying dispute resolution at university and made it the centre of my new career. Today I’m an Accredited Family and Workplace Mediator and Certified Communication Coach. In 2014 I founded Reflective Mediation, a dispute resolution and training service, and in 2016 published The Yoga of Divorce: A Mindful Route to Resolving Disputes.
It has been satisfying to help others repair relationships and relieve their distress.
When the process is properly managed, a well-trained mediator ensures a safe and confidential space in which to address emotionally charged topics, with or without a support person by your side. Demanding mutual respect between conflicting parties helps them move toward agreement.
A facilitated conversation really does work. It guides parties to slow down, to get curious about the other person and really LISTEN for what matters. Curiosity motivates listening; listening builds understanding, and understanding generates empathy. I observe this with clients on a regular basis. Even when individuals have radically different values, needs and opinions, the dawning of respect enables them to work together to generate an agreement.
The effort pays off when relationships really matter. I have experienced success with:
· Families and couples seeking to reconnect and rebuild their relationship;
· Married and common-law couples seeking an amicable separation agreement that works for them and their children;
· Solving workplace disputes between colleagues or between employees and management.
Reflective Mediation provides four main services:
1. Private coaching. I help an individual to clarify goals, build communication skills and refine strategies to realize those goals;
2. 2-party mediation. I serve two people who voluntarily agree to work with me as an impartial facilitator to negotiate an agreement suitable to them both. I manage the process (quite fiercely when needed) but don’t dictate the outcome. Participants are the experts in their problem and create their own solution.
3. Multi-party Restorative Justice Circle. Offered to groups of up to 12, the circle process ensures that all parties get heard and the group can come to an agreement that acknowledges multiple viewpoints.
4. Dispute Resolution Workshops. Customized for groups of up to 20, these highly interactive training sessions build practical skills of conflict management, tailored to the needs of your group.
I’m available week-days 9-5, most evenings and Sunday afternoons. I work primarily via zoom teleconferencing, although as Covid lifts I’m also meeting in person with clients in the Greater Toronto Area. I charge $200 per hour plus HST for each of the above services. That fee is split between clients when more than one participant is involved.
On my website www.ReflectiveMediation.ca you’ll find a virtual scheduling calendar, which allows you to book a free-of-charge initial consultation at a time convenient for you. I encourage you to schedule a free session to share your story and find out whether my service fits your goals.
